A Mardi Gras mask is glittery and gay
With feathers and sequins and a string 'round the back
An opera mask is used to portray
A character, whether he phantom or jack
Halloween conjures up masks galore
One day a year to play pretend
With doctors and fencers and villains and more
Escape who you are, now and again
A mask lets a hero hide his identity
A dancer wears one to beguile
These are all masks we think of quite readily
But sometimes a mask is a smile
-Sophia
1 comments:
I gave you a live critique, but I'll write one here anyway. I absolutely adore the second stanza. It's so cute, and the flow is lovely.
On the first stanza, I think changing "he" to "he be" would improve the rhythm. Also, would you capitalize Jack and Phantom because they are characters? Unsure.
"Beguile" is to decieve someone charmingly, or to trick them into doing something. I don't think a dancer fits this word. They hide behind masks, yes, and hold many secrets and are obviously playing someone they're not, but that doesn't mean they're decieving you. If you wish to keep "beguile," then perhaps a magician is the person you could use, rather than a dancer.
The last two lines gahhh it's so perfect and smiley and oh my God it's beautiful. It completely surprised me, and made me think. That's the best thing a writing can make me do, making me think.
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