Looking Back

  Everything is different.

  You scream and rant hateful words in a language I don’t comprehend.  As adjectives roll around me in the stagnant air my mind wanders once more.  A defense mechanism of mine. 

  I wonder how we got to this point in time…it seems like this is my relationship with you.  Forever.  But when I complain to him…. When I look back in time through the thread he weaves into a beautiful tapestry of a story being told for the very first time…. I realize something.

  We were happy once.  You used to laugh and smile and tell me I was the perfect daughter…and that you were proud of me.  You used to love him too.  How did it change?  What, in any of us, changed to make that heaven into this hell?  I love you and it hurts.  Hurts to feel your disappointment pin me to the ground like nails.

  I don’t know how to talk.  I cannot speak out loud.  But…inside…I cry out for help…and no one answers…because…I don’t want them to know.

  Now, looking back once more…I realize we have changed again.  You tell me you love me now.  You say I’m incredible…now.  Even if the next moment you scream at me how wrong I am.  At least you love me now….

  And the cycle starts again.

-Zoe