Prompt

How would you torture someone?

How do I torture thee?
Let me count the ways.
Better yet, let me give you an example…


            You know what I hate?  SOHCAHTOA.  It’s math.  Some Old Horses Can Always Hear Their Owners Approach.  I love horses.  Oh, I also love myths.  Many people don’t understand that the Bible is a myth.  ‘Cause myths in their most basic form deal with Gods and Goddesses.  Anyway, off topic.  I don’t get grammar.  I also don’t get nothing.  What a weird concept.  Nothing.  What does nothing mean?  Nothing means nothing.  Its just a bunch of letters describing
Nothing (which is the capital version).  Ya know, like Nothing nothing, not like nothing at all.  But now we have to delve into the inverse of nothing, which many people would agree is something.  But it could also be anything.  What’s the difference between something and anything?  Isn’t it nothing?  Because the sum of something and anything is Everything.  So, something is the difference of everything and anything.  Speaking of something, you can always make anything more complex.  Take rock, paper, scissors for example.  Scissors beats paper, paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors.  Or so you think.  Say you eliminate scissors from the picture for simplicity’s sake; and then all you have is rock and paper.  One person plays rock and the other plays paper.  Then you would assume that the paper player won; but the rock person was planning a counter-attack with their other hand and plays rock again.  So wouldn’t they win?  But then the paper person played paper again with their other hand.  Paper still wins.  Until the rock person puts their foot out and calls it river, thereby clearing the board and freeing both players’ hands.  For river seems unbeatable.  It erodes rock and dissolves paper and makes the blades on scissors rust.  But then the second player plays river as well, creating rapids.  As a way to get over the rapids, the first river person turns into a salmon, which can jump over the rapids.  But the second river person is smart, and they turn into a bear, which eats the salmon.  And then the salmon person turns into a hunter which kills the bear.  The bear person creates a disease which makes the hunter die.  And the river once more clears the board.  The disease person builds a volcano, which replenishes the rock that the river eroded away.  But the hunter comes back from the dead, deranged.  And he kills his children.  The volcano erupts, spreading land everywhere.  But as a last resort the hunter takes dynamite and kills everything.  So who really won?  You might think that you could avoid this entire conundrum if the players never played rock and just played paper, but then they would be at a stalemate, an impasse.  They would be stuck.  So why play in the first place?  What a strange word, first.  I mean, who in all the infinite, undetermined dimensions of whatever thought they could decide what’s on first and who’s on second?  Since when were THEY given the power?  And who gave the power anyway?  Religious people might say God.  But what if you’re atheist?  Or agnostic?  And what’s the difference between the two?  Atheist minus agnostic equals x.  X is a variable.  The reason I don’t put anything else there is because my argument is based on my limited knowledge.  Not to mention I don’t know of anyone who has come up with an actual something that is the answer to this problem.  Therefore the answer as of right now is x.  Now, some people might wonder if atheist minus agnostic equals x; what does atheist plus agnostic equal?  ‘Tis a simple answer, another variable.  Now, we could go on forever and a day contemplating atheism and agnosticism in regards to algebraic equations.  Or if atheism is greater than, equal to, or less than agnosticism.  You are free to do that in your own time, but I will move on to the saying ‘forever and a day’.  That saying makes no sense!  Forever is forever and the is nothing after THAT so what business does a day have doing behind forever?  Oh!  I know!  It’s hiding.  No, soft.  It was banished!  Yes!  That explains everything!  The day behind forever was banished and it’s only allowed to come out in a leap year, which means you can’t say forever and a day in a leap year because the day got added to our calendar.  But if that happened, then our math is wrong!  It’s wrong because forever and a day implies forever plus a day, so if that’s the case than a leap year is the only time you can use that saying!  Unless our math is wrong again.  And if math is supposedly absolute and our absolute is wrong then everything we know is false!

Had enough yet?  No.  Oh well.  Here comes round two.  But before that happens, you should know this was an IQ test.  What was the first thing I said?

-Zoe