Remembering Kristian Marceno

WARNINGS: death
[We weren't very close, but Kristian was a friend of mine, as the brother of one of my best friends. His suicide hit me hard, and I'd like to share something one of his friends, Zona, wrote. -Madame Kris]

Kris wasn’t your average teenager, he was a very different individual, and unlike anyone I have ever known. I met him my 8th grade year, when I moved into his neighborhood. He was a good friend from the start, and I watched him grow from making tree forts in the woods with me, to becoming a talented and smart teenager. Kris was very charismatic and lit up a room with his presence. He did have a mischievous side, and was always getting himself and me into trouble Kris was also one of the most talented people I have ever known, in theater, singing, and a while before that as a swimmer. We were like two peas in a pod, and he would even call my mother his “second mom” because he was at my house so much. Kristian was definitely one of a kind, and anyone who ever knew him would agree that he was a daring and beautiful person.
I can remember the day of his death, or rather the night,

very clearly, although sometimes I’d rather not. It was around 8:30 when a friend, Derek Yaffey, called me from down the street. He told me there had been an accident; that something had happened and I needed to come down quick. I was confused and apprehensive, but I was sure it was nothing big. I asked my mom to drive me down, and we got into her car and drove down to his street. When I arrived there were EMS trucks and fire trucks parked in the cul-de-sac in front of Kris’s house. Many people were huddled in Haley Anderson’s lawn (another neighbor and friend of mine) so my mom and I went to join them.
Rumors were buzzing around, but no one knew anything for sure. Kris’s little sister and two little brothers were inside the Anderson’s house. His mother was presumably inside her own home. I asked Derek what had happened, and he said that some were saying that he had hung himself. Haley was crying, but we weren’t sure what the real story was yet. I remember myself praying that he was ok, that they had revived him, or maybe it was a mistake. I feel terrible for saying so, but I hoped it was anyone else: his sister, his brothers, just not him. Kris was my best friend and I would have given up my own life willingly for him.
I don’t know how much later, but someone walked up and was talking to all of the parents. They were all gathered in a circle whispering. My mom walked up to me crying, and I felt my heart drop. I asked her what had happened, but she wouldn’t answer. I was frustrated that the adults wouldn’t tell us so I asked again. She told me,
“He’s dead, he’s dead,” and I couldn’t believe it. I started to cry as they told Derek and Haley. Haley ran away screaming and the next few minutes are a blur. A while later his mother walked onto the lawn, and I’ve never seen someone look so devastated and broken. Everyone gathered around her and hugged her, all of us crying for her son. Eventually my mom and me got into our car and drove home. I was shocked; I couldn’t believe that it had happened.
The days that followed were hell for all of us. The first night everyone thought he had committed suicide. I couldn’t see why he would of because he was so happy, and I have never met someone so full of life. I saw how cruel suicide is then, and I realized how selfish and terrible of an act it is. I remember being so terribly mad at him for hurting us so badly, for making us feel so much pain. We found out later that it wasn’t suicide, but the choking game: A game where kids asphyxiate each other to ‘get high’. Kris had decided to do it alone, and had passed out accidently. His sister found him hanging from the bedpost.
The day after his death was appropriately gloomy and overcast. Everyone in our neighborhood stuck together and comforted each other. We talked about the memories we held of him, from when he was little to just a few days back. It helped us all come together and afterwards we didn’t feel so utterly crushed. We made tons of food for his family, and for ourselves. I remembered that Kris had texted me the day of his death asking to hang out, and I had said no. That text haunted me for a while, but talking about it with my neighbors and friends eased the pain.
If there were anyone who I would say lived his life to the fullest it would be Kris. He was crazy and bad and went against the rules. He was a charmer, he was lovable, and people cared for him deeply. He took each opportunity and seized it; he used his talents and didn’t waste them. As his wake and funeral progressed, you could see how much love people held for him. Almost like a physical representation of how many people cared for him, hundreds showed up for his funeral. They played “525,600 Minutes” at Kris’s funeral in tribute to him. The lyrics, “How do you measure a life,” fit our devastating loss. The church was filled with sunlight, and even through our tears, the beautiful day almost made it seem like Kris was smiling down on us. Even though I’m not a religious person, I could imagine that Kris was happy to see us all gathered for him. As the fact that he wasn’t coming back started to hit me, I felt this hunger to live. I did not want to waste my life worrying about petty things and being afraid. I felt like in a way I had to live as much as I could, because he couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to try and live for him in a way, so his fire and tenacity would not be forgotten.
A few months after Kris’s death, his parents started the Kris Marceno Foundation. It is an organization trying to stop the choking game in teenagers, and I believe his parents are trying to make his death mean something. They really have gotten up and changed, and tried to keep going the best way they can by creating the Kris Marceno Foundation. It is inspiring to see how even through her pain, Mr. & Mrs. Marceno had the ability to create something amazing, and help other kids. Many other friends of Kris’ were motivated by his death – or rather life – like Miles Travits’, who dedicated his beautiful musical reflections entry to Kris.
Kristian’s death broke so many hearts, and I know there are many kids out there that felt as close to him as myself. He made me really want to get up and try new things and live my life to the fullest. He was my best friend, almost like a brother, and ever day I miss him. I will always cherish the memories I have of him, and I’m so grateful for every second I got to be with him. We had been close from early on, and I still feel close to him when I visit the places we used to go. Every spot in our neighborhood reminds me of a memory.
Kris has inspired many people, and although its terribly unfair that he is gone, I hope that his death does mean something now with the Kris Marceno foundation. I hope that even though it was a pointless and terrible reason for dying, that the organization will help prevent this from happening to other teenagers. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of his crazy quirks, and the bond we shared. Kris will always live in my heart and I will always be who I am because of his creative spirit. I think the way I feel about his life and death can be summed up in another lyric from Rent, “It’s time to sing out, though the story never ends, let’s celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends. Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember the love! Measure in love, Seasons of love! Seasons of love.”

-Zona Reid