Innocence doesn't suit you, honey
Innocence is ignorance
And the only bliss is ecstacy
You'll bear your scars
Like tiger stripes
And your blood and bruises-
War paint
See you stride with a senseless smile
Tearing towers down in your travelling trainwreck
Carrying the twisted tangle of mangled memories
Alone with only a living lie to carry comfort
Finger on the trigger
Watch them break like glass bottles
Spilling red-dead wine across
Greedy grey pavement longing for color
Drinking through a pale-eyed gaze
Pounding power permeates your bloodstream
An addicting flow of alcohol that blinds you to your miserable morality.
-Rebekah
1 comments:
"...the twisted tangle of mangled memories."
Wow. That is really powerful. Love that phrase. It's a tongue twister, too.
I really love the flow you've got going here. There are only a few things you could change- first, "An addicting flow of alcohol blinds you to your miserable morality." It doesn't quite make sense because you're talking about innocence, and then death, and then "miserable morality". I don't know how to explain it, but it just doesn't fit.
Another thing- the rhythm is broken on "war paint." Perhaps say "like war paint" instead. And "alone with only a living lie for comfort" would flow smoother as well.
I adore "greedy grey pavement" for some really weird reason. Thank you for a lovely poem.
Post a Comment